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Sat, Jan. 23rd, 2010, 01:36 am
The Brains

For the past couple of days I've been reading my old archived posts. I don't recall what gave me this idea, but the thing that kept me reading them was a morbid fascination with studying the corpse of the past. And like many corpses, this one is riddled with worms and disease--don't touch it! It's already given me a harsh case of a disease best known as "the brains".

Oh, you haven't heard of the brains? Haven't I told you? The disease goes by a number of colloquial names you may be more familiar with: "fancy sads," "a case of the sinisters," "longsorrows," "withering sicks," "Hamlet's Gambit," "a deep, festering bite from the long old tooth of Time," and of course "The Hope Dynamite."

The brains are supported by pages of scientific research--so many pages--and I feel as silly proving its existence as I would convincing you of smallpox, or H1N1. But you apparently haven't been keeping up with the news, so I'll remind you of what every schoolchild should know. The brains are characterized by the following symptoms: forgetfulness, ennui, and loss of a sense of time. End stage brains--which, being end stage, are inescapably fatal--are characterized by lycanthropy. The only cures yet known are a season on the continent, or obtaining a replacement brain.

So examining the corpse of my past has made me listless, irritable, and so on. What time is it? You get the point. But loss of a sense of time isn't limited to the hour of the day--the afflicted also lose track of where and when they are in life, and lose all directional sense of where they're going.

Ah, there it is.

Working at the library, there's a lot I like and a lot that I really don't. There's enough I don't like to make me wonder at times whether it's worth the time and money to go to grad school for an MLS. There's enough that I do like, like working with the public most of the time, to make me think it would be fine. Working in some library, somewhere, especially not this one, seems like what I would enjoy. And I literally haven't the faintest idea what else I would do. I have no real marketable skills. My writing ability has basically atrophied to the point that nothing I write is remotely coherent--look at this dreck for instance! So probably my wisest move would be to go for an MLS.

It's entirely possible that all my perceived problems with the job are just the result of my being impatient and unhappy in general because I'm single (except the hideously low pay. That part is not mental.) Since most of the people I meet in my daily life are elderly and inebriated, dating sites seem the most promising way to go, especially since with that it could be months before a girl realizes I live with my family because I'm poor. Though it's been my experience that people are more forgiving of that in this economy.

Are there easy answers?

I suppose now is as good a time as any to add that recent research indicates another symptom of the brains is talking boringly and at length about your own nonsense, and also that it makes you very tired, even late at night. So.

I'M GOING TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL AND GET AN APARTMENT AND USE DATING SITES

GET OUT OF MY WAY

Thu, Oct. 2nd, 2008, 07:07 pm
Good thing I posted this on Surtsday...

Damn it, I just came across some notes I'd made about the differences between Earth 1 (Magical Liberal Fairy Land) and Earth 2 ("Nightmerica"), which I misplaced and subsequently forgot about entirely by the time I made that post on New Hadron Earth. Well, now instead of awkwardly trying to work it into the first post, I can just make a little list:

- On Earth 2, abstinence education actually works. So... good for them.

- On Earth 1, it's not that fairies were real necessarily, but there was strong evidence of the existence of a pre-Celtic race of short people in the British Isles, who covertly plagued the cattle of the Celtic settlers and replaced their children with logs into later times. Much of this evidence was found at sites like Tara, which on Earth 1 was never threatened by the construction of a major highway. Possibly as a result of the mundaneness of such things, J.R.R. Tolkien was known as a naturalist writer, and Lord of the Rings was the account of one Englishman's disintegrating marriage. It was still called "Lord of the Rings" though.

- On Earth 2, Zeus lost the Gigantomachy to Typhon, and as a result, Thursday was always known as "Surtsday".

- On Earth 1, Sue Storm was the one on fire, and Johnny was the Invisible Boy. Also Mr Fantastic was gay, so he still eventually married the invisible one anyway. Not that gay marriage is that widespread on Earth 1; it just is on Earth 616. That is to say, the Earth 616 on Earth 1.

All right, I think I've made my point.

Thu, Sep. 11th, 2008, 01:07 pm
New Hadron Earth

I've been worried about a lot of things lately. Some of it personal, some the same things everyone else has been worried about for at least the past year, if not the last eight. One thing I haven't really been worried about though is whether the world was going to be destroyed yesterday by the Large Hadron Collider. I figured it most likely wouldn't be, and even in the infinitesimal chance that it was, it would happen so rapidly that neither I nor anyone else would notice until it was too late and nothing had ever existed anyway. At least until author John Hodgman made an interesting point on his Twitter page: it did end the world, but only the world of Earth 1. Earth 2, where we have been since the LHC was activated--even though we remember always having been here--is perfectly safe.

This was a fine hypothesis, and I had a great deal of fun with it making Booster Gold jokes on Twitter. But I realized that with a little adjustment, a similar hypothesis is not just fun but provides a perfect explanation for everything that's wrong with the world today. It isn't just that the LHC destroyed Earth 1 and we awoke on Earth 2--it's that someone somewhere built and activated a particle accelerator that ended and merged the preexisting, parallel Earths 1 and 2 into a "New Earth" which--only since yesterday morning--has now existed since the beginning of time.


Now, the respective situations on Earth 1 and Earth 2 were always similar, but very different. On Earth 1, for example, I was a single woman, and I had a dog named Helena Wayne. But on Earth 2 I was a man, and I got married after high school and have a son--let's say his name is Mr. Baggins. But here on the New Earth these realities were merged--now I'm a single man, with a dog named Mr. Baggins. On Earth 1, Hamlet and all those other plays were written by Francis Bacon, and on Earth 2 they were written by the Earl of Oxford. But here on New Earth, those plays were all written by some Stratfordian actor no one had ever heard of on Earths 1 or 2. The people who remember those other guys as having written them are considered crackpots.

And now we come to the things I've really been worried about recently, and how the New Earth hypothesis explains them. On Earth 1, Al Gore won the 2000 election. 9/11 still happened. But Bush Sr--the only Bush who was ever president--had captured Saddam in '91, so after the attack the government never had that scapegoat to go to war with and had to come up with some realistic solutions to security issues and terror concerns. The Republican Party's calls for war caused them to fade into obscurity while the Libertarian Party rose to prominence with a platform of fiscal conservatism and a refusal to pander to Far-Right Christianity. Meanwhile Gore set us on the long road to oil-free energy, the economy remained stable, and America stood proud in a world that looked on in lasting sympathy and respect after 9/11. (AHAHAHAHAHA)

Meanwhile, on Earth 2, George W. Bush not only won in 2000 but declared a state of emergency and suspended the Constitution after the WTC attack. Democrats and Independents who failed to fall in line behind Bush were accused of treason and sent to hidden facilities to await trials that, while never publicized or observed by third parties, the government still assured us had happened. No ordinary citizens were ever aware that Bush actually choked to death on a pretzel in 2002, and through older overdubbed footage has since been used as a figurehead by the invisible leaders of the new Patriot Party that replaced the Republicans and Democrats after 9/11. Admittedly, on Earth 2, Saddam actually had weapons and Ahmadinejad actually has nuclear bombs, not that that's any excuse.

Of course the Large Hadron Collider merged the ok America of Earth 1 with the totalitarian Nightmarica of Earth 2 and provided us with the America we all know, which I don't think I need to explain as being hopelessly absurd--but which makes sense in this New Earth hypothesis. The problem is the two realities didn't match up perfectly, and some blips remain. This explains all the nonsense that we have to deal with, especially since Sarah Palin was announced as McCain's VP.

On Earth 1, Palin supported the Bridge to Nowhere, but on Earth 2, she opposed it--on New Earth, she only says she opposed it. On Earth 1, Wasilla, Alaska is a vast metropolis that takes some kind of supergenius to run, and "community organizer" is a well-known ironic slang term for "someone with no responsibilities at all", but to act like those things are true on New Earth you come across as a petty, ignorant bully. On Earth 1, the party--the Libertarian party--opposing the Democrats is fiscally conservative and actually favors small government, but on New Earth, the party that claims to hold those positions--the Republican party--is laughably hypocritical about such things. Romney's "Throw out the big government liberals and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin" line at the RNC made perfect sense when he said it on Earth 1, but on New Earth it's not just that it's condescending and meaningless--it's a major continuity error that refers to things that no longer have ever existed, if that phrasing makes sense. It's not that all these discrepancies are cynical lies, per se--it's that they're continuity errors that haven't been cleared up properly after the LHC's major retcon.

What's causing these continuity errors though? I'm still not sure. It's possible that it's just the imprecision inherent in merging two apparently similar but very different timelines using some protons in a Swiss basement, but I prefer to think that they're ripples and remainders of the Lost Earths, intruding into our current New Earth as echoes of Thomas Jefferson-Prime beating with all his might against the time-walls of his dimensional prison. Someday he'll break out, and then holy shit but we'll all be sorry. I don't know about you, but I'm actually more worried about that than I was about the LHC being turned on. Hell, on Earth 2 the gospels may even have been literally true, and that's not going to please Jefferson-Prime one damn bit.

Sat, Mar. 22nd, 2008, 10:38 pm
Es ist jenseits von Gut und Böse

I sometimes wonder what my favorite Monty Python sketch is. "Science Fiction Sketch" (featuring blancmanges turning people into Scotsmen) is up there, as is "Double Vision" (featuring the expedition up both peaks of Mt. Kilimanjaro). However, having finally seen the entirety of episode 1 of Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus, I have concluded that my favorite sketch is now "The Bavarian Restaurant Sketch". The whole thing is fantastic, from Graham Chapman's halting German with a thick American accent, to John Cleese's comical use of his crazy legs, and the manic, grinning eye-roll he pulls off at 1:21 while leading the Americans to their table.

It really has almost everything Monty Python can offer: slapstick, physical comedy, social commentary, silly costumes, surreality, and of course it's all spoken in German, and set in Bavaria. Ja, im Bavaria! Und nicht in Venezuela:

Sun, Mar. 2nd, 2008, 02:46 pm
Shannon and Jeff's Wedding

I now have on flickr my pictures from Jeff and Shannon's wedding in Las Vegas, along with commentary on those I felt qualified of giving it to. (I believe the pictures of my duel with Andrew were taken by Leah) (I'd have dueled with Jeff, but I was afraid he would have destroyed me as earlier he lifted me 4 feet or so off the ground).

I think this was the best wedding I've been to, and I wish a very great deal of happiness to Shannon and Jeff.

Sat, Feb. 9th, 2008, 08:23 pm
The books don't factor into this scenario either

Well while Twitter is still crapped out and not showing half of everyone's updates, I guess I may as well update Livejournal why not? I don't have anything of real substance to talk about though, so I thought I would discuss my bookshelf:

Let"s see...Collapse )

Tue, Nov. 27th, 2007, 12:24 pm
Black Dossier Rereview

Having reviewed The Black Dossier again this morning, I feel like I have mischaracterized its content. I guess the sex is primarily contained in the Fanny Hill bit, and the Airstrip One Tijuana Bible, and everything Mina Murray and Allan Quartermain do when they're not reading the Dossier or getting shot at by James Bond and Emma Peel. And it's all fairly normal--except the Fanny Hill bit, which involves the Vril-ya, and Brobdingnagians--and kinda sweet--except the Airstrip One bit.

Actually, the part that was really jarring was that spoiler-esque character near the end.

No, not Prospero and Caliban.

So I upgrade my recommendation to, "Maybe you should read it if you want to, but watch out."

Fri, Nov. 23rd, 2007, 06:41 pm
The Black Dossier

Alan Moore said that League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier would be "the best thing ever" classing it as better than, and I do not remember what order he placed these in, Rome, penicillin, and the human nervous system. I am... not as sure that it is the best thing ever, but I have to agree that it is undoubtedly a thing.

Here"s why:Collapse )

Mon, Oct. 22nd, 2007, 11:51 pm
It's a wonderful night for eyebrows, it's a wonderful night for teeth

Curiosity led me to rediscover this amazing old special from Halloweens past. I post it here so that others may share in memories of the past, or in some strange not-that-old-but-kind-of-old animation, and also because every damn page on Youtube says "Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player" despite the fact that I have Javascript god damned enabled and I have the latest version of Flash god damn it but for some reason it will play if I embed it here.

(The big-time payoff is in part 3)

Halloween is Grinch NightCollapse )

Tue, Oct. 2nd, 2007, 01:25 pm
Bewitching? Or Infuriating?

In the afternoon, the sun hangs behind my house, but reflects off the leaves of the tree in front of my bedroom window in such a way that it still casts a strong light into the room. The season's leaves color the light reddish orange, so it appears both autumnal and vespertine. This would be achingly beautiful if not for the fact that it threatens to sun fade my books god damn it!

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